are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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