On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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