He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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