Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
