I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
