i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
