dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You smell like stripper and shame
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
