I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
