did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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