I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
accomplished twins. life is a go
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
