they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
