you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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