He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
