matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
