My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
