i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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