Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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