Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
