He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
