Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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