dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
