a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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