im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize