I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
