his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
