she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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