all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
