Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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