So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize