your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
