am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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