I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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