your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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