I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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