I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
