new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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