I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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