She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your penis caused this!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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