My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
