Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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