I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize