I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
