I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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