My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
