Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
