I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
