He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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