are you so shy because you have an std?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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