can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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