chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
