Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
