Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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