I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
