Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone shit on the floor
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
