Cold hands, warm shart.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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