He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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