I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.