He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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