I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
