He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
