its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
