oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
