awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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