i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
