i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
