i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
