Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
