That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
