DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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