I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
