I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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