I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
