it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
