cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
